I'll Never grow up..

Allie

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 02:19:12 GMT

My dog is the prettiest puppy to ever grace the face of the earth.

Thats right...got something to say about that?

Didnt think so.

You're pretty

But not as pretty as me

Thank you and goodnight.

Yay Music

Wed, 17 May 2006 02:11:49 GMT

I love music. It makes me happy. Matty let me borrow all of his 2897234982734 CDs and so I am importing them into my iTunes...but I can't enjoy them too much yet b/c my iPod is broken. So I can only listen to them when I am at my computer...unfortunate. But eventually I will be able to experience the beauty of his music whenever and wherever I am.

Last outdoor pursuits field trip tomorrow :( I'm really excited though! We're going to devil's Lake to pretty much chill. Riding a coach bus up there....downside, we have to be AT school by 6:45...thats early. But I dont really care, I'm pumped.

I haven't tried in school in a very long time................especially in a class I like to call, Mr. Stanke can go to hell.

My Icon looks like Matt's face. It makes me giggle

Yay for new music!

I really have nothing interesting happening in my life, there are a few bad things and a few good things...but all in all I can't really complain. I'm relatively content with the way my senior year is winding down. Theres really only one thing I would change, or person rather....sad story. But I dont really have a say in that situation....Don't know why, but I dont. It makes me sad and I will probly never fully get over that. Other than that though--I'm a happy camper.

I cannot believe that I only have 11 days left of High School.......creepy

I'm not ready to grow up.

Dying on the inside..

Tue, 02 May 2006 03:41:55 GMT

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt...

...That song is so beautiful..

YAAAAAAAAAAY

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 22:44:57 GMT

MATTY RETURNED TO WISCONSIN WITH NO ONE KNOWING!!!!:)

So...I'm sitting in study hall, and realize that I have a billion1029823094 messages from matty (or 5 for those of you who are actually counting)...and they're all like urgent and tell me to call or text him back immediately and that its really important. So I start freaking out, like what the heck is going on? So I text him back all scared and worried and ask him whats up? And he replies "What are the chances of you coming to pick me up right now (Surprise surprise)" SKLRJAOWIEURASLKDFJALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats probly the best surprise ever. So I faked sick and left right away and picked him up and then frantically tried to get back to before school was over so that he could surprise Laura. So we made it back with like 5 minutes left in the day and I told him to hide in Mr. Lueck's room and I'd bring in Laura to him when she came down to her locker with some weird excuse. So I tell her that Mr. Lueck told me to find her because he wanted to talk to her about something....and she got scared and wouldnt come with me b/c she didnt know Mr. Lueck. So I literally had to drag her into the room and there Matty was just sitting in a desk. She Flipped out....cutest thing I've ever seen. Biggest Adrenaline rush...so fun. I'm happy...

I'm soooo F'ing Happy right now.

Best Day in a looooooooooooooooong time.

But now I might have to go to chicago on Saturday and miss hanging out with him for one extra day. This trip was already planned but I reeeeeeeally dont wanna go now and will probly cry if I have to. But I'll worry about that later. Right now i'm just freaking happy.

DIE STANKE!!!!!!!!

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 03:20:32 GMT

This is probably one of the longest spans of time I have gone without updating. And it's not even because nothing eventful has happened lately....I just didnt feel like it. Woops. Not like any of you were sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for me to update though...haha.

I went rock climbing today--insanely hard but SOOO fun! I hope to keep going b/c it will improve my upper body strength and plus it is more fun than just lifting regular weights.

I have soooo much to make up though b/c of the rock climbing field trip....bad timing--end of quarter=friday.

I hate Stanke and I hate Trig.

I hope I do something fun this weekend....

I need to do something fun...I haven't had a really good time in awhile.

5 pages of notes due tomorrow in econ on garbage.....sweet.

Test tomorrow in econ (supposed to be today)

Portfolio due tomorrow in econ (supposed to be today)

Test tomorrow in Trig (supposed to be today)

Speech tomorrow in Public Speaking

Sweet guys....sweet.

I'm soooooo tired and sore I just want to go to sleep.

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a bad day---but there is one thing that would cheer me up...we'll see if it happens. Exciting :)

MAE

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 00:29:22 GMT

MAE WAS FLIPPING AWESOME!! I love them. They are sooo nice, and like genuinely nice, not like "This is my job and I have to stand here and take a picture with you" nice. I'm in love with Dave and Mark and Jacob. Mark looks like Trent kinda....that makes me laugh. I called Billy during "Giving it Away" but i couldn't really hear him talking and he couldn't really hear the music...so that was relatively pointless. They played Tisbury Lane at the end and I almost started crying because that song makes me think of Matty a lot. For more details you can read laura's entry b/c I dont want to re-write the same things she did. Overall though I'd say it was a pretty amazing night and I'm still kind of in shock that it actually happened. I was so unbelievably star struck when we took pictures with them and when they signed our phones. It was incredible. I was shaking and I like couldn't formulate sentences. When we took our picture with Jacob, I was joking around with him and trying to be somewhat clever...he was really nice..and he kept like squeezing my side kinda and it tickled...haha. I like him.

I'm in love with Mae.

I want to go see them again on May 4th in Whitewater, but this time I want to go with at least one boy...i'll feel more safe then...haha.

HUGE thank you to Laura for taking me with her..I love you:)

Happy

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 03:31:12 GMT

Today was perfect. Granted I didn't even come close to accomplishing my homework, but I went to Starbucks with Allie and then Tom Tom came for a little bit and it was soo much fun.

Plus I talked to Billy on the phone tonight for the first time in a LONG time...it made me sooooo happy to hear his voice. Like literally, I could not stop smiling. He's supposed to call me next week:) Hopefully he will. I got to hear him terroizing Matty over the phone...i miss that. Haha. I heard poor little mexican Matty squeal in the background as Billy threatened to castrate him. Haha. We talked for a surprisingly long time. Put me in such a good mood. :)

There was a reaaally hot guy at starbucks and he caught me and Allie looking at him like eight times, so then he finally talked to us and it was really funny.

MAE CONCERT IS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY.

Let me know if you want me to call you during one of the songs:)

I love life right now.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 06:20:59 GMT

I feel awful. I didn't expect this to happen....I wish there was something I could do to make things different....but theres not.

And I know that if the circumstances were different, then this would end up totally different. But I can't help the fact that its just too weird for me...and I also can't help the fact that something unforseen by me came into the picture...

...I didnt mean to hurt something so precious....

:(

Hopefully...this will all work out how its supposed to in the end..

All of the sudden I miss Matt and Billy a lot....more than normal. I want them to come home..

I talked to Mr. Gierke at the Madrigal on Saturday and it just made me miss Billy ten times more than I already did...which of course made me miss Matt.

Sad.

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 21:32:38 GMT

Oh Crap.

I think I've gotten myself in over my head again...

Superbowl

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 03:28:12 GMT

Well that was By Far the most strange Superbowl party i've ever had...

Also...I dont think I've ever been so abused in one weekend before in my life. Friday night=Getting hog tied, spanked, and having cup cake shoved into my face/hair....not fun. Saturday night= Got beat up by the little kids I babysat for. And Sunday probably wins the prize in terms of pain= Hung out with Marky, Jono, and Ferg for the Superbowl and got spanked by Ferg who took a running start...then it escalated to Jono and Ferg spanking me with ping pong paddles while Mark held me down. Not Cool. My butt is one giant bruise...mind you this continued the entire night. That is of course, until I locked them in the basement :) hehe. Oh Yeah and I somehow strangely injured my right foot...and now I'm a gimp and I hobble. It's painful. I'm not sure exactly how that happened, but I blame it on Mark.

I havent done any homework yet and I really dont want to.

I'm soooo incredibly tired.

It doesnt feel like a Sunday night.

I can't wait for this weekend :)

What an odd weekend this was....

Never felt like this Before...

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 23:54:57 GMT

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret, I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep, they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up, and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There’d never be a past

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up, and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up, and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler than change

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run…

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made...

American Idol..

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 03:17:20 GMT

If you auditioned for American Idol....what song would you sing?

Cuz I have no idea what I would sing.

Just curious. :)

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 06:58:05 GMT

So I've been in kind of a weird mood lately...I'm not really sure how to describe it. I guess its just sort of indifferent. Blank if you will.

I ate McDonald's today for the first time in like a year....and now i remember why I stopped eating it. I feel so incredibly sick its not even funny. Ew.

I have to babysit tomorrow....or today I suppose. I haven't babysat in a good 4 years....and I stopped b/c the kid i used to babysit for was literally posessed by the devil. No joke. Scary stuff. But this should be alright b/c they're my second cousins. The youngest one is probably the cutest little girl i've ever seen in my life...In fact she kind of reminds me of myself at that age;) haha...And the middle one is kind of a spoiled brat--but they are filthy rich...so thats to be expected. I dont know how long I have to babysit for though--they didnt tell me so that should be interesting to find out...haha

okay well i cant see what im typing anymore cuz my computer likes to do this weird shaky screen thing where...well i dont even know how to describe it but it makes it very difficult to use...so yeah.

Happy

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 22:10:06 GMT

So last night was Laura's and my 'wallow night'....the plan was to eat a lot of food and watch sad movies...however we only achieved one of those goals...and unfortunately for our stomachs, it was eating a lot of food. We ended up spending the entire night talking...and when i say entire...i mean entire. And then, as if we hadn't already talked enough, when we woke up we talked some more...so then we added it all up and figured out that we had talked for 8 hours total. EIGHT HOURS! It was insane...we don't even know what we talked about....except that we concluded that boobs are mushy b/c they can lactate;) haha

It was some good bonding time, and exactly what i needed and even though I have to clean my house right now...and then stay home all night and study for exams...i am in such a good mood :)

The only downside of the night was that my mom was woken up by MATTHEW calling my house phone at 1:30 in the morning....he's not too smart sometimes...then she got pissed. But it was okay. Silly Matty...

I'm burning a CD with my Matty and Billy music on it b/c i just figured out how to do it...so i'm pretty happy about that. Actually, its two CDs b/c i have too many songs...haha. But I didnt know i could make a cd with this music or w/e cuz i'm technologially challenged...so im pretty excited that i figured it out:)

random.

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 04:30:20 GMT

I have a question....what does 'ps' actually stand for? I realize that this is probably a stupid question...but i really dont know.

I'm curious though b/c i say it a lot.

Slowly improving...

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 03:33:31 GMT

So tomorrow Laura and I are having a 'wallow night'...or so i've coined it. I'm actually really excited...i think its exactly what I need...granted i'm going to feel very ill afterwards b/c of the cheese (b/c of pizza) and ice cream consumption. And i think there will be some form of chocolate too.

Is it bad that i'm not stressed at all for exams?

The only thing i'm worried about isnt even an exam....its a project. Curse you Mr. Dapelo.

Is it bad that I dont know what my french project is yet?....hmmmm. Fun.

I haven't had any rehearsals for the madrigal yet....one scene, eight lines baby! No joke though...i'm really happy about that. b/c these lines are kinda tricky. so yay.

I might need to make a transition in the music i've been listening to lately.....but then again maybe not.

I wish i could control what i think...unfortunately, its out of my hands.

This reminds me of the sporadic entries that Matt always make that are not coherent at all...those are my favorite.

If only i could sleep at night...then maybe i'd stop getting these excrutiatingly painful headaches. They're really not fun and cause me to pay even less attention than i do normally in school...its weird though, cuz i never used to get headaches. Eeek.

I'm in a surprisingly good mood right now....Not sure why, but i like it. :)

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th.......for those of you who were unaware of that fact. So do something scary tomorrow. My scary event will be eating mass proportions of dairy and seeing what happens to my lactose-intolerant stomach afterwards!

Poem about poetry...Deep.

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 23:20:54 GMT

Poetry is thoughts flowing on a page
Poetry is a spoken song
Poetry is something that doesn't appeal to a certain age
Poetry is something that can never be wrong
Poetry is the wind howling on a cloudy day
Poetry is a song that makes you smile and cry at the same time
Poetry is what comes out when you have nothing better to say
Poetry is footsteps that rhyme
Poetry is being all alone
Poetry is words in flight
Poetry can have all different tones
Poetry doesnt have to be something you write
Poetry is the secret your sould keeps
Poetry is what you're afraid to say outloud
Poetry can make you laugh while you weep
Poetry is seeing a rabbit in a cloud
Poetry is wanting something you can't have
Poetry is sitting in a dark, quiet space
Poetry is saying goodbye while you laugh
Poetry surrounds you, it's all over the place.

tears stream down your face...

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 19:33:09 GMT

In theory...last night was fun. At least it looked and sounded like fun, but I didn't have much of it. Not through the fault of anyone else...i wish I had had fun and just not thought about the fact that it was billy's last night. But i couldnt seem to get it out of my head and i suck at goodbyes so i spent the entire time being sad unfortunately. Towards the end of the night after Matty was nice enough to take me upstairs and talk with me, i got a bit of the sadness out of my system and then i had 'fun' when i went back down. Not as much as i would've normally but i tried to make the best of it.

Then when the night ended we had to say goodbye to billy....and unfortunately ben drove him and matt home which sucked b/c i'm the kind of person that needs to say long goodbyes, however billy is not. haha. But thats okay. I guess it was easier this way. So anyway....Billy gave me a hug goodbye when I was standing by my car and i tried so hard not to cry in front of him....but I failed. I just hate saying goodbye....especially when its to someone who makes my days happier. :( Although, on a brighter note, I'm happy that Billy and Steph night went well. It was more fun than I thought it would be. I was so happy, it was a great way to spend his second to last night here, i think it made saying goodbye to him a little easier actually. That was a great night...i mean how can a night not be good when you eat Greek food for dinner? ;) But anyways...I'm going to miss you love.... :(

And to add to this....now tonight is matty's last night. I have no time to re-boost and prepare myself. He's going to be so hard to say bye to too. Maybe even harder...

But now all i want to do is stay in my pajamas and watch sad movies....But i have to clean the house. Yay.

I wish i was better at saying goodbye.

Ps. a special thanks to dave and Matt for talking with me and making me happier. Thanks for just sitting there and listening and giving me a hug when i needed a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what i'd do without you guys. :) I love you both.

nervous.

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 21:39:34 GMT

So I wish I didnt procrastinate as much as I do. I don't start my homework till after at least 10 every night so I never get enough sleep...and even once I go to bed I can't sleep anyways, so its relatively pointless. My brain thinks so much when I go to bed...I lie awake for at least 2 hours before I actually fall asleep...its really very irritating.

I'm supposed to hang out with billy tonight...not sure what we're going to do. But we shall see.

I don't want Matt and Billy to go back....I dont want them to...is that reason enough for them to stay?........Didnt think so :(

PAD sucks right now. Mr. Dapelo is a poop.

I'm freaking tired.

I love talking with Matt...it makes me happy.

Why do I feel like i'm losing you again?......maybe b/c I am. I thought this time would be different, and it started out different, but now its back to the way it was over thanksgiving. Ugh.

Break was kind of a let down...the only thing that made me happy was that Matt and Billy were both here at the same time. Reminded me of the way things used to be in the good old days.

I don't think I'm going to do any homework tonight :)

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 04:20:04 GMT

Break was far too short. Mostly fun. Not at all what i expected. Wouldn't have survived without my future husband...aka Matty.

I dont want to go to school tomorrow. This was the shortest break ever in history. No one is going to school tomorrow and this is the ONE time that my mom is making me....purely because she 'doesnt want to be around me'. Great.

I love it when my mom calls me a bitch....it really makes me feel good inside.

I'm going to die tomorrow...slash all this week b/c there is no way i'm going to be able to pay attention. I really just don't see the point.

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 07:59:56 GMT

I have nothing to say about today.

It was a very odd day.

I am tired..but i dont want to go to sleep

Started off good...somehow fell of the track at some point though..

I only pray that tomorrow is better.

Yaaaaaaaaay

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 03:38:27 GMT

So Saturday was probably the happiest day i've had in a long time. First of all I was woken up by a beautiful Italian calling my cell phone asking if i wanted to go sledding...yaaaaay! I hadn't been sledding in like 2 years. So I went sledding with a bunch of peoples and then me ferg and dave and grace (pretty girl) went to panera to get some hot chocolate because I couldnt feel any part of my body. Then I came home and layed around for a while...then i had to clean the house...that was the down side of the day. BUT then...

BILLY CAME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went with his family to pick him up at the airport..which i was a little worried that it would be awkward, but i actually had a lot of fun talking with joey in the backseat :)

Then people came over to my house to visit with sir william. That was filled with some laughs. Now I can't wait for (in order of appearance) Alison, Matty, and Toriii to come home!!

At the end of the night I had to drive Fergy and Billy home and on the way to ferg's house i was telling billy how bad of a driver i am in the winter...then once i dropped ferg off and we were leaving the neighborhood, my car started to fishtail from side to side and then when i finally hit the break we did almost an entire 360 and it was awesome. Haha...irony makes me laugh.

I'd say overall it was an entirely succesful day:)

Scary

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 04:50:26 GMT

I almost died tonight. It was scary. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. I had a Jesus bubble around my car...at least thats how I like to put it.

Laura and I hung out. That was humorous. See her livejournal for details because I dont want to type it all. :)

Yay for billy coming home in almost a day!

Yay for me being alive to see it happen!

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 06:03:35 GMT

Pink eye sucks butt.

Ick.

I feel gross.

I can't touch my eye.

It itches.

Pooh.

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 03:21:33 GMT

I'm sick. And crabby. I just want everyone to come home so that we can re-unite and have it be like the good old days of summer. Oh How i miss summer. But Oh How i love christmas.

I'm praying for a Snow Day tomorrow so i dont have to do my homework....wait....I won't do it anyways, but at least this way i won't get caught not doing it :)

If there's not a snow day (which come on....when was the last time we had a snow day...it has to snow like 500 inches to get a snow day around here. Seriously what are the perks of living in Wisconsin if you never get snow days?) I'm not going to go to school till 4th hour. That way I still won't have to do any of my homework. Yay.

I cant breathe. My ovaries hurt. Lately I've been so exhausted...it's like I just can never get enough sleep. My mom is of course, a hypochondriac, so she said she's going to take me to the walk-in clinic if I'm not better by Saturday. What a crazy face.

Sorry to those of you i've been bitchy to this week....i blame it on my evil ovaries though.